Geez, how awful.  Well, they're obviously taking people's money and not doing what they're SUPPOSED to do (mentioning the person's name during mass, or mentioning intentions).  That would make me very angry.  Well.....have you tried speaking with the associate pastor about your concerns?  I don't know how much authority he has to change things, but it sounds like he's much more sensitive than the pastor.  If it was me, I would not risk experiencing this hurt again.  If it was me, I would think of another way to honor my parents on their anniversary.  Something like the rosary that was said, with Jim Hill's name being mentioned, sounds like a better gesture because you can make sure the person's name is mentioned.  With the mass, it probably won't happen if the pastor is the celebrant.  About asking for a refund, I would first remind them that it is dishonest to receive money for a service that is not rendered.  If they're trying to get all of us to be moral, they need to set better examples.  You can ask them if they think Jesus would do such a thing.  It's wrong, IMO.  If the pastor is not going to take this seriously, he needs to stop charging money.  How interesting that the pastor says it is not liturgically correct to mention an intention, and yet the parish accepts money for this.  If you decide to do something else other than the mass, to honor your parents, yes, I would ask for a refund, but who knows if you'll get your money back.  Sure you can write the bishop and pastor a letter, but I would probably bring my concerns to the associate pastor first, since he does seem more sensitive.  Maybe the pastor will change his ways, who knows.

You did the right thing, by honoring the widow's late husband at the Rosary.

Roxanne