People in our parish can request masses be said for a deceased relative, or any deceased person (non-relative), and some are even requesting masses for living members of our parish.  I'm not sure when the practice began, but the parish now charges $10 to request an intention; requesting a mass used to be free up through the early 1990s.

 

The new pastor assigned to our parish in August 2006 never mentions the name of the person who is the intention for that mass.  In contrast, the associate pastor mentions the name of the mass intention at the start of the mass along with the feast day of the saint.  He mentions the intention of the mass during the Prayer of the Faithful (following the homily), and again after the consecrecation as part of the Eucharistic Prayer -- "Remember our departed brothers and sisters..... [insert name of person who is the mass intention]"

 

When you lose a close friend or relative, such as a parent, it means a great deal to know a mass is being said and to hear that person's name mentioned THREE times in one mass.  It has nothing to do with making a show or personal ego.  It is a gesture reaffirming our faith:  life goes on after death, the person's soul still needs our prayers, that person still matters to the one requesting the intention, etc.

 

On Friday, Dec. 22, the noon mass intention was Jim Hill.  His widow normally attends the Friday noon mass, but also attending this mass on the 3rd anniversary of his death were, from out of town, one of his daughters and a grandson.  The priest/pastor did not mention Jim's name even once.  I know his family was hurt.  The daughter and grandson must have been thinking "Why make an effort to attend a mass in this town if they don't even mention his name?  We could have stayed in our own town and attended a mass for that matter."

 

I tried to rectify the situation by inviting them to join us for the rosary afterwards and said we would recognize Jim Hill in a special way during the rosary.  The widow is part of our rosary group, and she persuaded her daughter and grandson to stay (reluctantly).  I normally like to listen and not lead the rosary, but on Dec. 22, I led it so that I could say something special on this occasion.

 

At the end of the rosary, I said "Tomorrow (Dec. 23) is the third anniversary of Jim Hill's death.  He would be pleased to know his wife, his daughter, and his grandson joined us here today to remember him.  Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord."  The people answered "And let perpetual light shine upon them.  May their souls and all the souls of the faithfully departed through the mercy of God rest in peace."

 

Afterwards, his wife was just beaming.  She thanked me for remembering Jim.  The daughter thanked me.  The grandson thanked me.  I know it meant a lot to them that Jim Hill was not forgotten but was remembered on the anniversary of his passing to eternal life.  But the pastor should have mentioned his name during the mass.

 

So now we come to my dilemma.  After mass on Dec. 22 and before our small group said the rosary, I asked the pastor to start mentioning the names of the intentions during mass.  He said in his 25 years of the priesthood he has never mentioned the intention, and in fact it is not liturgically correct to mention an intention.  I said mentioning the intention means a great deal to those who request the mass, and I was surprised that he could be so insensitive to family members and friends who still grieve for someone and request a mass intention.  The pastor said he would pray about his decision not to mention any intention.

 

Questions:  (1) On Feb. 3, I requested a mass for my two parents on their wedding anniversary.  If the pastor does not mention their names, do I have to suffer in silence?  Can I interrupt the priest during mass and mention the mass intention that day is my parents and this is their wedding anniversary?

 

(2)  Should I ask the parish secretary to refund the $50/five masses that I requested in 2007?  There is a 50-50 chance that my mass intention will be named during mass (if the Assoc. Pastor happens to say mass that day).

 

(3) Should I write a private letter jointly to the bishop and the pastor and express my concerns as stated in this message?

 

(4)  What would you do in these circumstances? 

 

I only had about 5 hours sleep last night, because I kept waking up and tossing and turning over this.  It really galls me that the priests and the bishop go off for retreats ostensibly to become better people, and yet this pastor is so insensitive, that it seems he cannot even be bothered to learn the name of the mass intention before he says mass.  We have three secretaries in our parish, and surely one of them could print the mass intentions for the week on a little card he could leave on the altar.

 

Mike