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LIZ: Bad things happen to us randomly and senselessly. I don't feel
for one moment that God "wills" this or desires it in order that we
learn something. Even Jesus prayed that "this cup pass from me."
MIKE: There is an old worn out question, "Why do bad things happen to
good people?" That is a different question than the two or three
about my circumstances. My questions are more of the sort "How can we
put our trust completely in God's hands, when we have fallen flat on
our faces metaphorically from placing trust in Him in the past?"
Also, "Lesson was learned, then lesson was learned again, but the
suffering kept coming. How do we keep on praying when it makes no
difference?"
But those were my original questions. Now, I understand from you the
difference between relationship and expectations. So the relationship
remains with God -- I in Him and He in me. That is good news. It
would be disastrous news to find out He is no longer in me, and my
soul is gone.
LIZ: (At the same time, I'm very sorry about your experience with your
client, the bank and the courts. Injustice is a bitter pill to swallow
and I didn't mean to discount your dismay over this.)
MIKE: This is a side issue, but I have seen so much injustice from
the court system, so many judges just making quick and flippant
decisions taking the easy way out without conforming their decisions
to the facts, that it shames me to be part of a system of injustice.
LIZ: It can seem insufficient to hear God is with us, in us, loving
us. Why, we wonder, can't the "Lord of the Universe" make it all go
away? I don't think love works that way. When I was struggling with
the question of depression I happened to say to my director: "I feel
as though I'm tied to a tree, beset by wolves." (Clinical depression
is beyond horrible.) And my director asked something like: "Would it
help if Bob were near? Even though he, too, is tied to a tree?" And I
responded: "Oh, yes! Just having him nearby would help! And my
priest-director said, simply: "Liz, what if God is nearby, but tied to
a tree?"
MIKE: I understand your point very well. The reason I posted my
comment on the Merton Board was because it helps to know other people
are reflecting on these circumstances and giving words of
encouragement. Having friends tied to a tree and unable to help is
less useful than if they were free to help. But at least if you can
communicate your fear and distress to them, it somehow makes it easier
to bear the burden -- knowing other people care, even if they cannot help.
LIZ: That may mean nothing to you but it was a blaze of light for me,
a moment when my entire relationship with God was changed. I realized
that God - even more intimately than Bob - is always there, always
nearby, always loving, that, in fact, I exist in Love; however, God
doesn't change the laws of chance, of existence, or genetic makeup
just for me. It's what I do with reality that determines my life. That
sense of responsibility for my response to existence has simplified
life immensely. I simply never think in terms of, "It's not fair," any
longer. After all, it's also not "fair" when things go well for me and
not for others.
MIKE: I came to a similar conclusion ten or more years ago. I refer
to it as accepting life's twists and turns, rather than trying to
control the ride. With this acceptance comes a deep inner peace. But
I am pulled out of that tranquility by people asking for prayers, in
essence, to reshape the twists and turns in their lives, and by
dealing with those twists in the road in my own life.
LIZ: About prayer requests: Honestly, internally I simply say the
word, "Courage," on their behalf. Whatever life will bring them, I
deeply, strongly hope for their courage to accept and endure if a bad
outcome occurs. It's what I ask for myself, always and only.
MIKE: It I did that, I think I would not be drawn out of the
tranquility as often. The problem is that people are not asking for
courage to accept their circumstances, they are asking for prayers to
change those circumstances. I suspect some of the people might be
offended if they knew you or I were praying for them to have peace
with their circumstances but not actually praying for a miracle cure
when that is what they have requested of us. What do you think?
LIZ: Finally, my best friend died of cancer almost 25 years ago after
being diagnosed only 5 months previously. People at St. Tom's prayed
for her earnestly and constantly and one profoundly Catholic prof at
Purdue was astounded when she died. ("I prayed all the time for her,"
he said. "I never thought she'd die!) I was always puzzled by that.
MIKE: Perfect example. I'm sure the professor knows about accepting
life's circumstances. But deep down inside, he also thought his
prayers could lead to intervention and change circumstances. He was
lulled out of the tranquility of acceptance by wanting to alter
specific outcomes. I just can't reconcile the two different
approaches. Again, it would make life much easier for all of us if we
just followed the acceptance approach. But I wonder if we are called
upon to pray for a change in circumstances (the brutality of Darfur is
a good example) even if it means we will be let down time and again.
LIZ: Tragedy happens, people die, we grieve. And still, we also
experience the most awesome moments of love and beauty and truth
and compassion and mercy and forgiveness and courage from those around
us, more than we can ever say we've earned. We're vulnerable to all
the vagaries of this world and we also exist in Love. It's just the
way it is, Mike.
MIKE: Would it also be fair to say "tragedy is avoided" sometimes by
prayer? Would the 13 year old boy in Missouri have been found if
people had not been praying for his rescue? Did the prayers make a
difference, or was it pre-ordained that he would be discovered? This
raises an interesting point. We we talk about "acceptance," we always
mean the bad things in life. Do we also have to "accept" the good but
not think we caused the good to happen with our prayers?
I ask that as a rhetorical question, because perhaps there is no
correct answer. I will eat lunch this week with a wise 85-year old
Baptist friend and get her input on this. If anything comes of the
conversation, I will post a follow up message.
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